Welcome

“The quality of a person’s life cannot be judged
by our limited understanding of time.”

—from When Hello Means Goodbye by Pat Schwiebert, RN and Paul Kirk, MD

Welcome to the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Blog, a part of the Open to Hope Network. If you are a bereaved parent or grandparent, I am deeply sorry for your loss. If you are a caregiver or concerned friend or family member, I want to thank you for caring so much and reaching out to help.

I began this journey in 1995 with the stillbirth of my daughter Miranda. Since then, I have come to learn that the loss of a baby through miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, infant death, and even planned termination, especially when due to a fatal diagnosis, is one of life’s deepest tragedies. The pain and sense of loss can be overwhelming and stay with us longer than we imagined. This comes as a surprise to many bereaved parents and grandparents and is often misunderstood and underestimated by those on the outside looking in, for how can a tiny, brief life, even one that was never seen or touched, have such an impact on a family and those who love them?

I’ve become aware that you can ask anyone you know, and they have either lost a baby themselves or are close to someone who has. Pregnancy and infant loss has no boundaries. It does not discriminate based on religion, race, income, or any other factor. It affects all people, in all walks of life, all over the world, every day.

Babies aren’t supposed to die. Yet, each year, in the United States alone, approximately 26,000 babies are stillborn. Another 26,000 die within their first year of life. And it is estimated that nearly one million babies will be lost to miscarriage. Worldwide, these numbers become staggering. While pregnancy and infant loss affects millions of people each year, why are there still so many who know so little about it? Why are there so many people who are afraid to talk about it? Why are grieving parents expected to quickly “get over it” and get on with their lives?

I found no comfort in being a statistic. Where I drew comfort, however, was from knowing that someone else on this planet understood my intense pain, the indescribable feelings of helplessness and loss. I drew comfort from knowing that other people had survived following the death of their own child, eventually finding happiness and purpose in their lives again.

During the days, weeks, months, and years that followed my daughter’s death, I realized that it is possible to relearn to love life after loss. This came, in great part, due to the friendships I made with six other women at a support group for pregnancy and infant loss. Through monthly meetings and restaurant rendezvous, my six new soul sisters and I found a new normal. Through tears and anger, compassion and laughter, late nights and French toast, the sun slowly emerged from the darkness bringing with it love, hope, and healing as, together, we rebuilt our lives. The Good Grief Club is the book I wrote about this journey we took together, discovering along the way that our new friendships had the power to heal the pain of losing our babies in miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death.

By bringing together other writers on this topic, and sharing stories, ideas, and resources, my mission is to bring comfort, peace, and hope to those who have lost a child, and to foster understanding and compassion in those who are brought into the lives of the grieving. The time has come to shatter the myths and taboos of pregnancy and infant loss by shedding light on this subject, for where there is light there is healing and love.

I welcome your stories and comments and wish you peace.

Blessings,

Monica Novak
Editor, Open to Hope Pregnancy and Infant Loss Blog

Monica Novak is the author of the highly-praised new memoir, The Good Grief Club, a book that chronicles her journey and friendships with six other women following the loss of their babies through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant death. For more information, please visit her website at www.thegoodgriefclub.com or e-mail her at monica@thegoodgriefclub.com